If
a
Woman
Inseminates
Article
22,
1986
The
holy
Zohar
(Tazria,
item
9),
asks,
“We
learned
that
‘A
woman
who
inseminates
first,
delivers
a
male
child.’
Rabbi
Aha
said,
‘We
learned
that
the
Creator
sentences
whether
a
drop
will
be
male
or
female,
and
you
say,
‘A
woman
who
inseminates
first,
delivers
a
male
child.’
Thus,
we
do
not
need
the
Creator’s
sentence.’
Rabbi
Yosi
said,
‘Of
course
the
Creator
discerns
between
a
drop
of
a
male
and
a
drop
of
a
female.
And
because
He
has
discerned
it,
He
sentences
whether
it
will
be
a
male
or
a
female.’”
He
interprets
in
the
Sulam
[Ladder
commentary]:
“There
are
three
partners
in
a
man:
the
Creator,
his
father,
and
his
mother.
His
father
gives
the
white
in
him,
his
mother—the
red
in
him,
and
the
Creator
gives
the
soul.
If
the
drop
is
a
male,
the
Creator
gives
the
soul
of
a
male.
If
it
is
a
female,
the
Creator
gives
the
soul
of
a
female.
This
discernment
that
the
Creator
discerns
in
the
drop—that
it
is
fit
for
a
soul
of
a
male
or
a
female—is
regarded
as
a
sentence
of
the
Creator.
If
He
did
not
discern
it
and
did
not
send
a
soul
of
a
male,
the
drop
would
not
become
a
male.
Thus,
the
two
statements
do
not
contradict
one
another.
Rabbi
Aha
said,
‘delivers
a
male
child,’
but
does
she
deliver
because
she
inseminates?
It
depends
on
conception!
This
verse
should
have
said,
‘A
woman
who
conceives
delivers
a
male
child.’
Rabbi
Yosi
said,
‘A
woman,
from
the
day
she
inseminates
and
conceives
to
the
day
she
delivers
has
no
other
word
in
her
mouth
but
whether
her
child
will
be
a
male.’”
We
should
understand
the
above
matter.
What
does
knowing
about
a
woman
inseminating
first
give
us?
And
also,
he
tells
us
that
the
greatness
of
the
Creator
is
that
He
knows
how
to
discern
between
a
drop
of
a
male
and
a
drop
of
a
female.
Is
this
the
greatness
from
which
one
should
be
inspired
and
by
which
to
take
upon
himself
to
be
a
servant
of
the
Creator?
We
should
also
understand
what
Rabbi
Aha
is
asking,
“A
woman
who
inseminates
and
conceives.”
It
should
have
said
“male.”
Rabbi
Yosi
explains,
“A
woman,
from
the
day
she
inseminates
and
conceives
to
the
day
she
delivers
has
no
other
word
in
her
mouth
but
whether
her
child
will
be
a
male.”
That
is,
she
is
concerned
about
her
child
being
a
male.
What
does
knowing
what
is
in
the
mouth
of
a
woman
give
us?
What
will
happen
if
we
know
this
concern
of
a
woman,
that
she
is
worried
about
her
child
being
a
male?
To
understand
all
this
we
will
explain
what
is
written
in
the
essay,
“Preface
to
the
Wisdom
of
Kabbalah”
(item
57):
“The
whole
purpose
of
the
Tzimtzum
that
unfolded
in
Behina
Dalet
was
to
correct
it,
so
there
would
be
no
disparity
of
form
in
it,
as
it
receives
the
Upper
Light.
In
other
words,
to
create
man’s
body
from
that
Behina
Dalet.
…Through
his
engagement
in
Torah
and
Mitzvot
in
order
to
bestow
contentment
upon
his
Maker
he
will
turn
the
force
of
reception
in
Behina
Dalet
into
working
in
order
to
bestow.
By
this
he
equalizes
the
form
of
reception
to
complete
bestowal,
and
then
will
be
the
end
of
correction,
since
this
will
bring
Behina
Dalet
back
to
being
a
vessel
of
reception
for
the
Upper
Light,
while
being
in
complete
Dvekut
[adhesion]
with
the
Light
without
any
disparity
of
form.
Yet,
this
requires
one
to
be
included
with
the
higher
Behinot,
above
Behina
Dalet,
so
as
to
be
able
to
perform
good
deeds
of
bestowal.
…This
is
because
Behina
Dalet,
which
should
be
the
root
of
man’s
body,
was
entirely
in
the
form
of
vacant
and
empty
space,
devoid
of
Light,
as
it
was
of
opposite
form
from
the
Upper
Light.
Thus,
it
is
considered
separated
and
dead.
If
man
had
been
created
from
her
he
would
not
have
been
able
to
correct
his
actions
whatsoever,
since
there
would
be
no
sparks
of
bestowal
in
him
at
all.”
To
correct
this
was
the
matter
of
the
association
of
the
quality
of
mercy
with
judgment,
since
the
world
cannot
exist
on
the
quality
of
judgment,
as
it
is
written
(item
58),
“‘He
saw
that
the
world
does
not
exist’
means
that
in
this
way
it
was
impossible
for
man,
who
was
to
be
created
from
this
Behina
Dalet,
to
acquire
acts
of
bestowal,
by
which
the
world
will
be
corrected
in
the
desired
amount
through
him.
Through
this
association,
Behina
Dalet—the
quality
of
judgment—was
incorporated
with
the
sparks
of
bestowal
in
the
Kli
[vessel]
of
Bina.
By
this,
man’s
body,
which
emerged
from
Behina
Dalet,
was
integrated
with
the
quality
of
bestowal,
too,
and
could
perform
good
deeds
in
order
to
bestow
contentment
upon
his
Maker
until
he
turns
the
quality
of
reception
in
him
to
be
entirely
in
order
to
bestow.
Thus,
the
world
will
achieve
the
desired
correction
from
the
creation
of
the
world.”
He
interprets
the
association
of
the
quality
of
mercy
with
judgment
in
the
Sulam
(Tazria,
item
95):
“You
already
know
that
there
are
two
points
in
Malchut:
the
first
is
Malchut
de
[of]
Tzimtzum
Aleph
[first
restriction],
which
was
not
mitigated
in
Bina,
the
quality
of
mercy,
and
is
therefore
unfit
to
receive
any
Light,
since
the
force
of
the
Masach
[screen]
and
Tzimtzum
[restriction]
is
over
it.
The
second
point
is
the
point
of
Malchut
that
was
mitigated
with
the
quality
of
mercy,
which
is
Bina.
All
the
lights
that
Malchut
receives
are
from
the
second
point.
Hence,
the
first
point
is
concealed
within
it,
and
only
the
second
point
is
revealed
and
governs
it,
and
is
therefore
fit
to
receive
the
Upper
Lights.
For
this
reason,
Malchut
is
called
‘the
tree
of
knowledge
of
good
and
evil,’
since
if
one
is
rewarded,
it
is
good,
for
the
first
point
is
concealed
and
only
the
second
point
governs.
At
that
time
there
is
abundance
in
Malchut
and
the
lower
one
receives
from
her.
If
he
is
not
rewarded,
for
he
is
a
sinner,
there
is
power
in
the
serpent
to
reveal
the
first
point
in
Malchut,
which
did
not
partake
in
Bina,
and
then
she
is
bad.”
Now
we
can
interpret
the
words
of
the
holy
Zohar
concerning,
“If
a
woman
inseminates
and
delivers
a
male
child.”
We
asked,
“What
does
it
teach
us
if
a
woman
who
inseminates
first
delivers
a
male
child?”
According
to
the
words
of
the
holy
Zohar,
there
are
two
forces
within
us:
1)
the
quality
of
judgment,
which
is
regarded
as
a
female,
called
Malchut,
2)
the
quality
of
mercy,
which
is
regarded
as
a
male,
namely
a
male
force,
meaning
bestowal,
as
our
sages
said,
“As
He
is
merciful,
so
you
are
merciful.”
These
two
forces
govern
man,
but
at
times
the
quality
of
judgment
is
concealed
and
the
quality
of
mercy
rules,
and
at
times
the
quality
of
mercy
is
concealed
and
the
quality
of
judgment
rules.
We
should
know
that
“insemination”
is
similar
to
one
who
sows
wheat
in
the
ground.
The
seeds
decay
and
wheat
that
is
good
to
eat
begins
to
grow.
We
also
try
to
fertilize
the
soil
by
which
the
wheat
will
grow
good
to
eat.
By
this
we
can
explain
the
verse,
“If
a
woman
inseminates.”
If
a
person
wants
to
begin
the
work
to
achieve
Dvekut
[adhesion]
with
the
Creator,
and
wishes
to
enjoy
“man’s
food,”
and
not
“animal
food,”
his
order
of
work
should
be
that
he
will
sow
the
“woman”
in
him,
called
“will
to
receive.”
That
is,
he
should
place
his
vessels
of
reception
in
the
ground
and
try
to
make
self-reception
rot
in
the
ground.
The
more
he
fertilizes
it,
meaning
tries
to
understand
and
feel
that
self-love
is
as
loathsome
to
him
as
manure,
and
the
more
he
tries
to
see
the
lowliness
of
self-love
and
wants
his
self-love
to
rot,
this
is
called
“If
a
woman
inseminates,”
meaning
the
female
in
him,
the
vessels
of
reception.
He
buries
this
in
the
ground,
meaning
he
wants
his
self-love
to
rot,
and
then
she
“delivers
a
male
child,”
meaning
vessels
of
bestowal.
By
trying
to
cancel
his
vessels
of
reception,
meaning
self-love,
he
is
rewarded
with
vessels
of
bestowal.
This
is
similar
to
burying
wheat
in
the
ground
so
it
will
rot,
and
by
this
he
will
have
wheat
fit
to
be
food
for
man.
“Food”
means
that
we
enjoy
it.
That
is,
before
one
begins
to
work
on
the
path
of
truth
he
enjoyed
only
what
entered
the
vessels
of
self-love.
Now
he
enjoys
things
that
enter
the
vessels
of
bestowal,
which
is
called
“food
for
man”
and
not
“food
for
beast,”
which
are
beastly
pleasures.
This
is
called
“If
he
is
rewarded,
the
quality
of
judgment
is
concealed.”
That
is,
the
will
to
receive
is
concealed
and
does
not
rule,
and
only
the
will
to
bestow,
called
“the
quality
of
mercy,”
rules.
“Rewarded”
means
that
he
wants
to
be
pure,
meaning
bestowing.
“Thick”
means
desire
to
receive.
Because
he
wants
to
achieve
the
quality
of
mercy,
he
is
rewarded
with
the
disappearance
of
the
vessels
of
reception.
That
is,
they
do
not
govern,
but
the
quality
of
mercy
governs,
which
is
called
“bestowal”
and
“male.”
This
is
called
“delivering
a
male
child,”
where
the
child
is
born
through
the
woman’s
insemination,
meaning
by
burying
the
will
to
receive
in
the
ground,
meaning
that
he
wants
to
receive
all
his
joys
in
vessels
of
bestowal.
This
is
not
so
if
the
man
inseminates
first,
if
the
beginning
of
his
work
is
the
vessels
of
bestowal,
of
which
he
consists
from
the
root
of
the
correction.
Through
the
association
of
the
quality
of
mercy
with
judgment,
he
desires
to
bury
the
vessels
of
bestowal,
called
“male,”
and
then
she
“delivers
a
female.”
This
means
that
then
the
quality
of
judgment
is
revealed
in
him
and
governs,
while
the
quality
of
mercy,
called
“male,”
disappears
and
he
is
powerless
to
do
anything
with
vessels
of
bestowal.
At
that
time
he
eats
only
animal
food,
and
he
is
placed
only
in
self-love,
like
animals.
That
is,
if
he
sows
in
the
ground
the
vessels
of
reception,
called
“female,”
then
food
for
man
comes
out,
meaning
the
power
to
bestow.
But
if
he
buries
the
forces
of
bestowal
in
the
ground,
then
she
“delivers
a
female,”
and
all
his
food
is
in
vessels
of
reception,
regarded
as
delivering
a
female.
By
this
we
will
understand
what
Rabbi
Yosi
replied
to
Rabbi
Aha’s
question,
that
the
Creator
discerns
between
a
drop
of
a
male
and
a
drop
of
a
female,
and
because
He
has
discerned
it,
He
sentences
it
to
be
a
male
or
a
female.
We
asked,
“What
does
that
teach
us?”
Our
sages
said,
“He
who
comes
to
purify
is
aided,”
and
the
holy
Zohar
says,
“with
a
holy
soul.”
It
follows
that
when
the
woman
inseminates
first,
meaning
that
the
beginning
of
his
work
is
to
sow,
meaning
bury
the
woman
in
him
in
the
ground,
namely
his
will
to
receive
for
himself,
and
all
his
thoughts
are
about
how
to
be
rid
of
self-love,
and
this
is
what
he
asks
from
the
Creator,
then
the
Creator
discerns
whether
the
drop
is
of
a
male,
meaning
that
he
wants
the
Creator
to
give
vessels
of
bestowal.
At
that
time
the
Creator
gives
him
the
soul
of
a
male.
That
is,
He
gives
him
power
from
above,
called
“holy
soul,”
by
which
he
can
be
a
giver,
if
the
Creator
sees
that
his
intention
in
the
work
of
Torah
and
Mitzvot
[commandments]
is
to
purify
himself
because
he
wants
to
exist
the
Tuma’a
[impurity]
of
self-love,
so
the
Creator
gives
him
a
soul
of
a
male.
If
the
Creator
discerns
that
the
drop
is
of
a
female,
meaning
that
the
man
inseminates
first,
namely
that
the
beginning
of
his
work
is
to
expand
his
vessels
of
reception,
that
his
root,
called
“the
association
of
the
quality
of
mercy
with
judgment,”
but
he
intends
only
to
receive
greater
reward
through
his
actions,
as
it
is
written
in
the
holy
Zohar,
“they
howl
as
dogs
saying
‘Give
us
the
wealth
of
this
world,
and
give
us
the
wealth
of
the
next
world,’”
it
follows
that
his
aim
was
only
to
expand
the
possessions
that
belong
to
self-love.
It
follows
that
by
sowing,
meaning
by
burying
the
mingling
he
has
with
the
quality
of
mercy,
he
causes
the
quality
of
mercy,
which
is
the
force
of
bestowal,
to
be
concealed.
This
is
called
“sowing,”
when
we
place
and
conceal
the
wheat
in
the
soil,
and
the
wheat
becomes
hidden
in
the
ground.
This
implies
to
us
that
the
force
of
bestowal
has
been
concealed,
and
the
force
of
reception
is
revealed.
This
is
called,
“she
delivers
a
female
child.”
It
follows
that
what
Rabbi
Yosi
said—that
the
Creator
discerns
whether
a
drop
is
a
male
or
a
female—comes
to
teach
us
that
one
should
not
say,
“I
have
been
engaging
in
Torah
and
Mitzvot
for
so
long,
and
have
been
observing
everything,
slight
and
serious,
but
I
do
not
see
that
the
Creator
is
helping
me
from
above
so
I
can
ascend
the
degrees
of
holiness.”
He
asks,
“Where
is
the
help
from
above,
as
our
sages
said,
‘He
who
comes
to
purify
is
aided’?”
Rabbi
Yosi
comes
and
says
about
this
that
the
Creator
discerns
what
is
the
drop—whether
a
male,
if
you
want
the
work
of
bestowal,
or
the
work
of
a
female,
meaning
that
all
your
work
is
to
receive
reward,
called
“giving,”
but
in
order
to
receive.
Therefore,
he
cannot
say
that
the
Creator
does
not
hear
his
prayer.
Rather,
the
Creator
hears
and
knows
what
he
is
praying,
meaning
that
he
does
not
want
to
bury
his
self-love
in
the
ground
at
all,
so
how
can
the
Creator
give
him
what
he
does
not
want?
It
is
known
that
there
is
no
light
without
a
Kli.
A
Kli
is
called
a
deficiency,
and
“light”
is
the
filling
of
the
deficiency.
If
a
person
has
no
deficiency
to
feel
that
he
has
no
desire
to
bestow,
this
is
the
essence
of
man’s
lowliness,
for
which
he
is
removed
from
Kedusha
[holiness/sanctity]
and
is
unable
to
be
rewarded
with
Dvekut
[adhesion]
with
the
Creator.
This
is
regarded
as
not
having
a
Kli
to
receive
the
filling.
This
is
why
Rabbi
Yosi
says
that
the
Creator
discerns
which
drop
it
is,
meaning
what
a
person
wants
the
Creator
to
place
there,
which
soul,
meaning
light
that
is
clothed
in
vessels
of
bestowal,
namely
that
He
gives
him
light
so
as
to
have
the
force
of
bestowal,
or
the
force
of
reception.
For
this
reason,
he
must
not
complain
to
the
Creator
because
He
gives
one
what
one
wants.
This
is
as
our
sages
said,
“How
is
repentance?
When
He
knows
the
mysteries
will
testify
that
he
will
not
turn
back
to
folly.”
This
means
that
by
the
Creator
giving
him
a
soul
of
a
male,
meaning
light,
so
as
to
have
the
power
to
bestow,
by
this
the
testimony
of
the
Creator
appears,
when
He
“testifies
that
he
will
not
turn
back
to
folly,”
since
the
Creator
has
given
him
the
soul.
By
this
he
is
certain
that
henceforth
he
will
not
work
for
self-love
but
only
in
order
to
bestow.
It
is
written
similarly
in
the
words
of
the
holy
Zohar,
that
he
who
comes
to
purify
is
aided.
And
this
is
what
Rabbi
Yosi
said,
that
the
Creator
certainly
discerns
whether
a
drop
is
of
a
male
or
of
a
female.
And
because
He
has
discerned
it,
He
sentences
whether
it
is
to
be
a
male
or
a
female.
This
is
regarded
as
“He
who
knows
the
mysteries
will
testify
that
he
will
not
turn
back
to
folly.”
However,
how
can
one
come
to
want
to
bury
his
self-love,
which
we
call
a
Kli,
and
the
Creator
will
give
him
light
within
this
Kli,
meaning
the
soul
of
a
male
in
a
Kli
that
comes
by
burying
the
will
to
receive,
called
“If
a
woman
inseminates”?
It
is
very
difficult
for
a
person,
once
he
has
been
created,
to
keep
the
quality
of
judgment
revealed
and
the
quality
of
mercy
concealed.
The
beginning
of
man’s
creation
is
as
in,
“Man
is
born
a
wild
ass,”
and
the
quality
of
mercy
in
him
is
a
black
dot,
which
does
not
shine.
For
this
reason,
he
has
no
need
or
lack
that
will
engender
in
him
a
thought
that
he
needs
vessels
of
bestowal.
Rather,
his
only
concern
is
to
satisfy
everything
that
self-love
demands.
If
the
Creator
helps
him
to
completely
satisfy
the
will
to
receive,
he
will
feel
that
he
is
the
happiest
man
on
earth,
and
what
else
does
he
need?
It
follows
that
who
can
tell
him
that
he
needs
a
lack
called
“desire
to
bestow”?
He
hears
a
novelty:
He
is
told
that
he
needs
a
lack.
That
is,
the
name
Kli,
called
“deficiency,”
will
now
be
what
he
lacks,
meaning
that
he
needs
a
lack,
and
the
satisfaction
will
be
receiving
the
lack.
It
follows
that
the
names
Kli
and
Ohr
[light]
refer
only
to
the
deficiency.
To
understand
this,
we
should
precede
with
the
words
of
our
sages,
that
a
prayer
is
called
“work
in
the
heart.”
Why
is
prayer
called
“work
in
the
heart”?
After
all,
the
prayer
is
only
with
the
mouth.
We
should
interpret
that
a
prayer
is
called
“deficiency,”
when
one
wants
his
request
to
be
granted,
meaning
to
obtain
a
deficiency
in
that
he
has
no
need
to
want
to
bestow,
but
all
he
wants
is
self-love.
But
how
can
one
demand
something
for
which
he
has
no
need,
although
he
hears
that
he
is
told,
“This
is
all
you
need”?
But
if
he
does
not
feel,
what
should
he
do
in
order
to
feel
that
he
is
deficient?
Our
sages
gave
us
an
advice
about
this,
which
is
called
“prayer,”
which
is
the
work
in
the
heart.
That
is,
a
man
says,
verbally,
that
he
lacks
the
desire
to
bestow,
and
the
heart
tells
him
that
all
he
needs
is
to
satisfy
everything
that
self-love
demands
and
not
think
of
deficiencies,
but
of
fillings.
For
this
reason,
he
has
a
lot
of
work
with
his
heart
to
want
to
ask
for
a
deficiency
that
completely
contradicts
the
will
to
receive,
which
is
the
creature’s
very
essence.
At
times
the
heart
prevails,
and
at
times
the
mouth
prevails.
It
follows
that
then
his
mouth
and
heart
are
not
the
same
because
we
need
to
know
that
in
the
end
it
is
the
heart
that
governs
man,
and
not
the
mouth.
This
is
why
it
was
said
that
man
must
work
with
his
heart,
to
agree
to
ask
for
lack,
meaning
that
the
Creator
will
satisfy
his
lack,
namely
that
here
the
filling
is
called
“lack.”
This
is
the
meaning
of
“The
Creator
will
satisfy
his
need,”
meaning
that
the
lack
is
regarded
as
filling.
Now
we
can
understand
that
the
only
way
to
obtain
a
deficiency,
that
we
are
lacking
the
desire
to
bestow,
is
by
prayer,
which
is
a
“medium”
between
man
and
the
deficiency.
That
is,
one
prays
for
the
Creator
to
give
him
something
for
which
he
has
no
deficiency,
that
he
will
lack
it.
It
follows
that
the
Kli
that
is
called
“deficiency”
is
a
deficiency
with
respect
to
the
feeling,
meaning
that
he
does
not
feel
its
lack,
and
the
prayer
is
that
the
Creator
will
give
him
the
light,
which
is
the
filling
of
his
lack.
It
therefore
follows
that
the
filling
is
a
lack.
Thus,
he
has
no
other
choice
but
to
pray
to
the
Creator
to
give
him
a
deficiency,
and
this
is
what
connects
the
Kli
with
the
light.
It
is
as
Baal
HaSulam
said
in
the
name
of
the
ADMOR
of
Pursov
about
what
Rabbi
Shimon
said,
“The
writing
should
hasten
primarily
where
the
pockets
are
empty.”
A
“pocket”
means
a
Kli
where
one
puts
money.
A
“pocket”
means
deficiency,
and
“money”
is
the
filling
of
the
deficiency.
Thus,
if
a
person
has
no
pocket,
namely
a
deficiency,
it
is
even
worse
than
not
having
the
filling
because
it
is
regarded
as
being
unconscious.
It
follows
that
where
one
has
no
sensation
of
lack
that
he
does
not
have
a
Kli
of
desire
to
bestow,
he
must
hurry
himself.
With
what?
With
prayer,
which
is
the
medium
between
the
Kli
and
the
light,
between
a
deficiency
for
deficiency,
and
the
filling,
where
he
already
feels
that
deficiency
that
he
cannot
work
in
order
to
bestow.
Now
we
will
explain
what
we
asked
about
Rabbi
Yosi’s
answer
to
Rabbi
Aha’s
question
about
why
it
is
written
that
“If
a
woman
inseminates,
she
delivers
a
male
child,”
since
the
matter
depends
on
conception,
and
it
should
have
said,
“If
a
woman
inseminates
and
conceives
a
male
child.”
Rabbi
Yosi
replied
that
“from
the
day
when
she
inseminates
and
conceives,
a
woman
has
no
other
word
in
her
mouth
but
whether
her
child
will
be
a
male.”
We
asked,
“What
does
it
teach
us,
what
the
woman
says?”
According
to
what
we
explained
about
the
order
of
the
work,
we
should
interpret
“If
a
woman
inseminates”
to
mean
the
person
who
buries
the
self-love
in
the
ground
so
that
a
male
will
grow
out
of
it,
meaning
that
he
will
be
rewarded
with
a
desire
to
bestow.
It
follows
that
as
soon
as
he
begins
the
work
of
obtaining
the
desire
to
bestow,
called
“If
a
woman
inseminates,”
the
work
in
this
direction
begins
and
he
begins
to
say,
“I
wish
I
will
deliver
a
male.”
That
is,
we
must
go
through
a
process
of
loathing
self-love
and
feeling
the
measure
of
evil
found
in
self-love.
It
is
not
enough
to
decide
not
to
go
on
the
path
one
is
used
to
marching
and
wanting
to
change
one’s
habits.
Rather,
to
him
the
measure
of
harm
that
self-love
causes
him
should
be
revealed
to
him,
for
only
by
seeing
what
he
is
losing
can
he
be
certain
that
he
will
not
regret
midway.
This
is
similar
to
the
sentence
concerning
a
stranger
who
comes
to
convert
(Yevamot,
47a):
“Our
sages
said,
‘A
stranger
who
comes
to
convert
is
told,
‘What
did
you
see
that
you
have
come
to
convert?
Don’t
you
know
that
these
days
Israel
are
afflicted,
pushed,
despised,
maddened,
and
tormented
(RASHI
interpreted
“despised”
as
in
“low”
and
“coerced,”
as
“dethroned
and
coerced)?’
If
he
said,
‘I
know
and
I
am
not
worthy,’
he
is
accepted
at
once.’
The
Great
Book
of
Mitzvot
wrote,
‘The
reason
is
so
he
will
not
say
afterwards,
‘Had
I
known,
I
would
not
have
converted’’
(Yoreh
De’ah,
item
268).”
Wanting
to
exit
self-love
and
begin
the
work
of
bestowal
is
similar
to
leaving
all
the
states
in
which
he
lived,
dropping
everything
off,
and
entering
an
area
where
he
has
never
been.
For
this
reason,
he
must
go
through
conception
and
months
of
pregnancy
until
he
has
the
ability
to
acquire
new
qualities,
which
are
foreign
to
the
spirit
he
has
received
since
birth.
Everything
he
has
received
from
the
environment
with
which
he
grew
up
and
which
reared
him
with
their
views
and
thoughts
was
entirely
on
the
basis
of
self-love.
He
always
thought
about
controlling
others,
and
where
he
thought
he
would
find
a
place
where
he
could
control
he
realized
it
is
worth
an
effort,
since
it
yields
pleasure
to
the
will
to
receive,
and
the
majority
supported
him.
This
is
regarded
as
receiving
strength
for
his
aspirations
from
the
public,
meaning
he
saw
that
everyone
behaved
this
way
so
the
body
knew
that
it
was
worthwhile
to
exert
to
acquire
power
or
respect
or
money.
Everything
focused
on
one
line,
called
“desire
to
satisfy
his
Kli,”
which
is
called
“self-love.”
But
now
that
he
has
come
to
convert,
meaning
exit
self-love,
where
he
thought
about
controlling
others,
now
he
is
told
he
must
make
every
effort
to
control
himself
and
that
he
is
forbidden
to
control
others.
And
where
each
day
he
contemplated
how
much
he
has
gained
that
day,
which
he
put
into
the
bag
of
self-love,
now
he
is
told
that
he
should
contemplate
each
day
how
much
profit
he
has
gained
that
he
can
put
in
the
bag
of
love
of
others.
Accordingly,
we
should
interpret
what
is
said
to
one
who
comes
to
convert.
It
means
that
the
person
who
was
until
now
like
a
gentile,
as
it
is
written,
“And
they
mingled
with
the
nations
and
learned
from
their
works,”
the
holy
Zohar
says,
“Every
person
is
a
small
world
in
and
of
itself,”
namely
that
each
person
consists
of
the
seventy
nations,
which
correspond
to
seven
qualities,
each
of
which
consists
of
ten.
This
is
why
they
are
called
“seventy
nations,”
and
the
Israel
in
him
is
in
exile,
under
the
rule
of
the
nations.
Therefore,
when
a
person
comes
to
take
upon
himself
(the
burden
of)
the
kingdom
of
heaven
and
exit
the
exile
to
which
he
surrendered
and
to
whom
he
listened
until
now—meaning
he
had
to
do
what
they
asked
and
thought
that
this
is
how
it
should
be,
but
the
point
in
the
heart
has
awakened
in
him
and
now
he
has
come
to
work
for
the
Creator—he
is
tolled,
“Until
now
the
nations
did
not
humiliate
the
Israel
in
you.
This
means
that
your
body
still
did
not
resist.
But
now
that
you
want
to
be
‘Israel,’
while
you
have
still
not
emerged
from
their
governance,
they
despise
the
‘Israel’
in
you,
since
the
body
will
not
let
you
work
in
order
to
bestow.
Therefore,
first
you
must
think
if
you
want
to
take
upon
yourself
this
great
work.”
But
afterwards
the
nations
of
the
world,
too,
surrender,
meaning
the
body.
However,
before
he
completes
his
work
he
must
go
through
months
of
pregnancy.
For
this
reason,
a
person
is
not
told
the
real
meaning
of
annulling
self-love.
Rather,
he
must
receive
this
information
bit-by-bit,
which
is
called
“months
of
pregnancy.”
This
means
that
although
it
is
said,
“If
a
woman
inseminates
and
delivers
a
male
child,”
the
truth
is
as
Rabbi
Aha
says,
that
it
is
not
as
people
think
that
as
soon
as
you
inseminate,
meaning
as
soon
as
you
decide
to
bury
your
will
to
receive
you
“deliver
a
male
child.”
Rather,
the
matter
depends
on
pregnancy.
This
means
that
although
he
has
agreed
to
bury
his
will
to
receive,
he
still
does
not
even
know
the
real
meaning
of
annulling
self-love.
Rather,
knowing
the
real
nature
of
the
will
to
receive
is
not
something
that
one
can
feel
at
once,
since
the
will
to
receive
must
be
qualified
and
prepared
so
as
to
have
the
strength
to
relinquish
real
pleasures,
which
are
eternal
pleasures,
if
he
has
no
exercises
to
accustom
himself
each
time
with
greater
self-love.
That
is,
when
a
person
begins
the
work
of
bestowal,
he
is
constantly
given
from
above
greater
pleasures
even
in
corporeal
things,
so
he
accustoms
himself
to
relinquish
pleasures
and
receive
them
only
in
order
to
bestow.
Now
we
can
understand
what
our
sages
said,
that
to
the
wicked,
the
evil
inclination
seems
like
a
hairsbreadth,
and
to
the
righteous
as
a
high
mountain.
We
asked,
“Is
there
a
difference
in
reality?”
But
since
a
person
should
be
prepared
to
have
the
ability
to
receive
the
eternal
pleasures
in
order
to
bestow,
he
is
constantly
given
more
pleasure
in
everything,
as
exercises
to
learn
how
to
use
his
vessels
of
reception,
called
“will
to
receive,”
and
still
be
able
to
receive
it
in
order
to
bestow.
Otherwise
he
will
relinquish
this
great
pleasure.
It
follows
that
he
must
go
through
nine
months
of
pregnancy,
by
which
he
acquires
strength,
called
“desire
to
bestow.”
If
he
sees
that
something
disrupts
the
desire
to
bestow
he
has
the
power
to
repel
it,
and
then
he
is
called
“delivers
a
male
child.”
That
is,
once
he
has
been
through
the
process
of
“months
of
pregnancy,”
and
not
in
the
middle
of
the
work,
meaning
that
as
soon
as
he
begins
the
work
he
wants
to
see
the
power
of
bestowal
that
he
has
attained.
Otherwise
he
is
angry
and
says,
“I
have
already
started
the
work
of
sowing,
so
where
are
the
fruits
that
I
should
obtain?”
Rabbi
Yosi
explains
about
it
that
“A
woman,
from
the
day
she
conceives
to
the
day
she
delivers
has
no
other
word
in
her
mouth
but
whether
her
child
will
be
a
male.”
This
means
that
although
she
has
not
delivered,
she
cannot
wait
and
wants
to
deliver
right
away.