409. Concerning Suffering – 2
“Israel are holy.” He has but he does not want; he wants but he does not have. He does not want in order to bestow, he has Torah and Mitzvot [commandments] and fear of heaven. He wants in order to bestow, so he has neither Torah and Mitzvot nor fear of heaven. He does not want in order to bestow is regarded as “The whole world tells you that you are righteous.” Wants in order to bestow, then he is regarded as “Be as a wicked one in your eyes.”
“Count the heads of the whole congregation of Israel by their families … according to the number of names, every male, head by head.” RASHI interprets “A Beka [weight unit] per head, and such is the way of Torah… lead a life of sorrow and toil in the Torah,” etc. Which is the suffering of love? One in which there is no cancellation of Torah. Happy is the man whom the Lord afflicts. He whom the Lord loves, He admonishes.
We should understand why we need the suffering, and why specifically “He whom the Lord loves, He admonishes,” and what “Happy is the man whom the Lord afflicts” means, and what suffering without cancellation of Torah is there in the world, since the sufferings do not let a person exert in Torah. Also, what does the word Beka imply, from the word Bekia [fissuring] the Gulgolet [skull/head].
It is known that the whole Kli [vessel] that receives pleasure is the yearning, a lack for the thing, meaning for the thing to which he has a great desire. To the extent that he desires it, to that extent he yearns. And the desire, great or small, is measured by the amount of suffering that he would feel if he did not obtain the matter.
As it is explained (in the “Introduction to The Study of the Ten Sefirot,” Items 96-97), Torah Lishma [for Her sake] means for the sake of the life that he finds in the Torah, since when one finds His face in the Torah, so he finds the life in the Torah, as it is written, “For by the light of the King’s face is life.”
Thus, when one learns Torah and does not find the life in the Torah, he regrets it, and this is called “You will lead a life of sorrow.” That is, he will regret not finding the light of His face, yet he does not stop learning Torah, as it is written, “And in the Torah you toil” although he does not find Him.
It follows that to the extent that he learns Torah and intends to find Him, so his suffering increases. At a certain extent called “labored,” you “find,” as is explained there, that this is the meaning of the existence of the light of the King’s face in the Torah.
It follows that through the suffering, a real desire to receive the “light of the King’s face is life” forms within him, and this is called “pains of love,” where there is no cancellation of Torah. This is so because the more he delves in Torah, the more he increases the suffering.
It follows that there is no cancellation of Torah in them because one who learns Torah, the suffering is born in him. It follows that if he has no Torah then he has no suffering. As said above, this is called “pains of love,” since there is no cancellation of Torah in them.
This is called “He whom the Lord loves, He admonishes.” It is so because in order for man to have these sufferings from not finding the Creator in the Torah, not every person is rewarded with suffering from this. This is why it was said, “Happy is the man whom the Lord afflicts.”
Then a person must acquire the suffering so he will have a real desire and yearning, since precisely in the real desire appears the quality of suffering, for man has no other Kli in which to obtain the pleasure except for this desire.
Baal HaSulam interpreted the meaning of a “Beka per head” as foreign thoughts. When a foreign thought falls into a person’s mind, it creates a fissure in his head. If he remembers all the fissures and regrets them then for every fissure appears a holy name.
We can interpret that “the number of names” means “according to the sorrow is the reward,” meaning the number of names according to the number of fissures that he remembers and regrets. By them we are rewarded with “Count the heads of the whole congregation of Israel.”