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The Meaning of Sins Becoming as Merits
5. The Meaning of Sins Becoming as Merits
We can understand the meaning of sins becoming as merits, that if a person has a question, which is certainly a great iniquity because this question might cause him to fall into the Klipa [shell/peel] called “pondering the beginning.” If he repents from fear, meaning strengthens himself and is not impressed by this thought, then they become to him as mistakes. That is, it is not a sin but a mistake. In other words, it would be better had no foreign thought come to him, but now that it came, he did not have a choice but to strengthen himself with acceptance of the burden of the kingdom of heaven.
Also, there is repentance from love, when he receives the burden of faith anew because of love, meaning he accepts the work with love. That is, he is happy that the Creator has given him this foreign thought by which he can observe this Mitzva [commandment].
This is similar to a flame that is tied to the wick. The foreign thought is considered the wick, which wants to install a flaw in his work. That is, the foreign thought makes him think that from the perspective of the mind and reason, he has nothing to do in His work. And when he gets the foreign thought, he says that he does not want to make any excuses, but everything that the reason says is correct except he is walking on the path of faith, which is above reason.
It follows that the flame of faith is tied to the wick of the foreign thought. Thus, only now can he observe the Mitzva of faith properly. It follows that the questions have become to him as merits, since otherwise he would not be able to accept any merits from faith.
This is called “rejoicing in suffering.” Although he suffers from the foreign thoughts that afflict him and cause him to slander and gossip and speak badly about His work, he is nonetheless happy about it for only now, at such a time, he can observe in a manner of faith above reason. This is called “the joy of Mitzva.”
“It is forbidden to raise one’s hands without a prayer and litany.” Also, we should understand the meaning of “why he reveals sins.” The scrutiny of the quality of “mind,” he should first be ready for battle, meaning he must have weapons prepared for this, so he can win the battle. If he is not prepared for it, he must not do any scrutinies that will reveal the sin, meaning that it will be revealed that he is not ready to take upon himself the quality of “mind.” Thus, he must prepare himself, for if the body does not want to accept the “mind,” he should immediately extend over it a prayer that the Creator will help him accept the burden of the kingdom of heaven.
This is the meaning of “It is forbidden to raise one’s hand.” “Hands” are attainment and reception. Raising the hands is when he pulls himself without prayer from being a receiver, whether in mind or in heart, so there will be no hold to the Sitra Achra [other side]. Rather, as soon as he sees that he cannot walk in this path, he will pray.
In other words, if he cannot overcome with labor, he will overcome with prayer. But if he is not ready for prayer, he must not make the scrutiny.