Hevruta - Following Lesson 4 - Principles of the Work in the Ten
Hevruta - Following Lesson 4
Principles of the Work in the Ten
A Quick Review of the Six First Principles of Working in the Ten
1. Constantly elevate the importance of the environment
We must constantly elevate the importance of the environment because the importance of the environment leads us to the importance of the goal. When the ten becomes important in our eyes, the spiritual goal also becomes more important and present in our work.
2. Work on equality within the ten
We must work on equality within the ten, where everyone tries to relate to the others as equals. We can truly connect only with those whom we perceive as equal to us. At the same time, everyone is equal in their own unique manner.
3. Preserve the uniqueness of each friend
Equality does not mean that everyone must become the same. We must preserve the uniqueness, individuality, and special qualities of each of the friends. Each friend brings something unique that no one else can bring to the ten.
4. Influence the friends through personal example
The best way to influence the friends is not by constraining, criticizing, or forcing anyone, but through personal example. In this way, we improve ourselves while also creating a better and more supportive environment for the friends.
5. "Buy yourself a friend"
"Buy yourself a friend" means investing effort in seeing the friends not below us, but above us. This is a more internal and spiritual action. I must constantly remember that I need to raise the friends and increase their importance in my eyes, so that at the very least we become equal.
Through this effort, I exchange the importance of myself for the importance of the others and, through them, for the importance of the Creator.
6. We see our own faults in others
We need to remember that the faults we see in others are our own faults. This is useful because it shows me what I need to pray for and what change I need to ask for.
Even though I see the fault in another person, I understand that it is mine to correct. Instead of trying to change the friend, I ask for an inner change within myself.
Discussion / Workshop
Which of the six principles do I find easiest to apply in my work in the ten, and why?
Which principle do I find the most difficult to apply, and what inner obstacle prevents me from doing it?
The Principle #7
Do not express criticism of a friend publicly — neither in a general forum nor in a direct/personal manner.
24. Baal HaSulam, Shamati 62. Descends and Incites, Ascends and Complains
״Yet, one who works in purity, cannot complain about others and always complains about himself, and sees others in a better degree than he feels himself.״
25. RABASH, Article No. 8 (1984), “Which Keeping of Torah and Mitzvot Purifies the Heart?”
"There are many times when a person rebukes another only for the purpose of domination, and not in order to “rebuke your friend.”
26. Rav Michael Laitman, Daily Lesson, 13.07.2022
“There is nothing worse than each person trying to impose on another what they think is right. This must not be done. Only love and a tendency toward connection should be shown—Heaven forbid, anything beyond that.
None of you yet understands where you are; you are still completely outside the truth.
It’s better that you study the lessons together, delve into the verses—not to argue, but only to understand what is written.
If someone has a desire to convince another, that is the worst possible form of the evil inclination.
Let your friend grow at their own pace, in their own way, and don’t interfere—only awaken them to more study, to more participation. That alone.”
Discussion / Workshop
How do you understand this principle? How should relate to criticism? What is the source of criticism? What is the proper way to deal with it?
The Principle #8
As a general rule, it is best to define the boundaries of conversation in advance—that is, to avoid raising topics that we already know may lead to conflict.
27. RABASH, Article 1, part 2 "Purpose of Society - 2"
"Hence, it is good that there will be equality among the friends who unite, so one can be annulled before the other. And there should be careful watch in the society, disallowing frivolity, since frivolity ruins everything."
Question: What is “frivolity” in inner work?
Rav Michael Laitman: Frivolity is a very broad concept — starting from completely abandoning the work and becoming idle, to replacing a more beneficial activity with one that is less beneficial but more pleasant, comfortable, and easy.
Frivolity can manifest in engaging with things that are entirely contrary to the path, down to small foolish matters, or even simply allowing oneself a bit of “freedom” in thought, in clarifications, and in desires.
Where does the term frivolity [literally from Hebrew word "kalut rosh" - "light-headedness"] come from? — A “heavy head” means a person constantly judges himself, examines things, and is full of thoughts. And “lightness” means he turns his head away from the proper occupation, and then all kinds of foreign and unimportant thoughts fill it.
It may even be that there’s nothing explicitly against the Creator in this, but simply that the person allows his mind to be filled with thoughts of this corporeal world.
(From a lesson on a Rabash article, 12.02.2012)
28. RABASH, Article 30, “What to Demand from the Gathering of Friends,” 1988
"What should a friend do if he needs help from the friends?
As we’ve said, one must not speak of sad or negative things during the friends’ gathering that may lead to sorrow.
The answer is that the person should speak to a friend who is closer to his heart. And that friend should speak to the group — but not during the regular friends’ gathering.
Meaning, he can talk to the whole group together, but not during the scheduled friends’ meeting. Instead, a special gathering can be arranged for the sake of helping the friend who is in need."