Hevruta - Following Lesson 3 - Principles of the Work in the Ten

The Principle #5:

“Buy Yourself a Friend” – each member of the group must strive to buy the friends.

20. RABASH, “Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend - 2”

"Between a man and his friend, we should begin with “Buy yourself a friend,” and then “Make for yourself a rav.” This is so because when a person looks for a friend, he should first examine him to see if he is really worth bonding with. After all, we see that a special prayer has been set up concerning a friend, which we say after the blessings in the prayer, “May it please ... Keep us away from an evil person and from a bad friend.”

This means that before one takes a friend for himself, he must examine him in every possible way. At that time, he must use his reason. This is why it was not said, “Make yourself a friend,” since “making” implies above reason. Therefore, concerning a man and his friend, he should go with his reason and examine as much as he can if his friend is okay, as we pray each day, “Keep us away from an evil person and from a bad friend.”

So, we talked about "Make for yourself a Rav and buy yourself a friend," and Rabash gives us the tools to understand, first of all, the importance of this concept of "buy yourself a friend," meaning acquiring a friend.

We are not only talking about acquiring the friend as a person, but also about making the friend and the others in the group important, not only in themselves, but also as part of the system that helps me achieve connection with the Creator.

When I attach myself to the friend and try to acquire him, what do I buy? I acquire something new: a new need, a new lack, a new desire. This is the reason we want to have a group. We already have a certain desire for the Creator, but we want to have more than what we have today.

Therefore, the group becomes the place where I can acquire these new needs and this new recognition that I need the upper force. This recognition, this new need, is something that we buy, meaning that we acquire it through a certain effort. This effort is called "buy yourself a friend."

In other places, Rabash explains that a friend is someone who is equal to me, while we tend to see others as being a little below us. So "buy yourself a friend" is the first step.

First of all, I need to see that the others are doing at least as much work as I am. In their own way, they are making great efforts, the maximum amount of effort they can make. I have to look for this, try to attach myself to them, and focus on their best qualities.

For example, when I see a friend falling asleep during the lesson, I can focus on the fact that he is falling asleep, or I can look at him when he tries to raise his head. In other words, I look at the positive side: the person is doing his best to stay awake, even though he is tired.

I always look at the place where the friends are making an effort, and I do not allow myself to lower them. The effort I make not to lower them, and to constantly raise their importance, is the purchasing, acquiring, or buying of the friend.

Through this, I receive a new need. I also receive a new force and new strength, which then enable me to "make for myself a Rav," meaning to make the Creator important in my eyes.

But in order to reach this state, I first need to see how important the efforts of the friends to reach the Creator are. If the Creator were truly important in my eyes, then even the smallest effort they make would be important to me: coming to the lesson, trying to be there on time, or even coming late instead of not coming at all.

They may not have been able to arrive on time, but they still made the effort to be there. I always try to look at the place where I can add importance.

Of course, we always want to reach a better state, but I need to begin from the place where I look at the positive side. This is the act of buying the friend, acquiring him, and making him important. This can lead us to the next degree: to love the Creator, to make the Creator important, and to "make for yourself a Rav."

The Principle #6:

Each person judges others according to the measure of their own flaws ("Whoever faults others does so with his own defect").

21. RABASH, “Why Is the Torah Called “Middle Line” in the Work? - 2”

"One must believe, that “There is none else besides Him,” meaning that it is the Creator who compels him to do the good deeds, but since he is still unworthy of knowing that it is the Creator who compels him, the Creator dresses Himself in dresses of flesh and blood, through which the Creator performs these actions. Thus, the Creator acts in the form of posterior.

In other words, the person sees people’s faces but he should believe that behind the faces stands the Creator and performs these actions. That is, behind the man stands the Creator and compels him to do the deeds that the Creator wants. It follows that the Creator does everything, but the person regards what he sees and not what he should believe."

22. Baal HaSulam, Shamati 67, “Depart from Evil”

"One who thinks that he is deceiving his friend is really deceiving the Creator, since besides man’s body there is only the Creator. This is because it is the essence of creation that man is called “created being” only with respect to himself. The Creator wants man to feel that he exists separately from Him; but other than this, it is all “The whole earth is full of His glory.”

Hence, when lying to one’s friend, one is lying to the Creator; and when one makes one’s friend sad, one makes the Creator sad."

23. Rabash, Article No. 29 (1985), "The Lord Is Near to All Who Call Upon Him"

"Indeed, it is as our sages said (Kiddushin 70a): 'It was taught: Whoever disqualifies others is himself disqualified, and he does not speak in praise of the world. And Shmuel said: He disqualifies others with his own defect.'

This is because there are people who are always looking at another person. If the other studies as they think he should study, or prays as they think he should pray, then the other is considered fine. But if not, they immediately find a flaw in the other."

Here we have a situation in which we tend to see others as less important. But it is not only that we see them as less important in general. We also tend to see in others what we ourselves are lacking.

We usually phrase it by saying that we see the flaws of others. But it is important to understand the mechanism behind this, because Kabbalah is not here to give us some kind of moral compass or simply teach us to be nice people. It is meant to help us truly change and acquire a new nature. Therefore, it is important to understand why we are discussing this principle.

What are the defects or faults that we see in others? Since the goal from the very beginning is to achieve connection with the Creator, Dvekut, adhesion, and equivalence of form, which flaws are we talking about?

We are talking about the flaw that I do not see them advancing toward the goal. This is the flaw. I see that they lack spirituality.

What I see is only what the Creator allows me to see, as we have in point 21. The Creator lets me see that they have a certain lack, that they do not have enough importance of the Creator, or that perhaps they are not worthy of being my friends on this path.

First of all, it is important to understand that this is what we define as a flaw. If I think that my friend's flaw is that he or she speaks too much, then I am focusing on the wrong things.

People are built with a certain character and nature. Maybe they speak a lot, or maybe they do not speak much. Whether I judge this as a fault or defect depends only on the goal. Is this quality useful for reaching the goal, or is it not useful?

Someone who speaks a lot may actually have a very useful quality. For example, if that person's role is to teach or speak with customers on the phone, then speaking a lot may not be a fault at all. It may be a very good quality.

Everything depends on the goal we are trying to reach. Here, I begin to judge their behavior as being against our goal, which is to reach connection with the Creator. This is the first important definition of what we call a flaw.

Second, the flaw that I see and judge in others is a result of my own lack. In other words, I see in them my own incapability and my own lack of desire for the Creator. Through them, the Creator shows me that I do not have enough importance of the goal.

What can I do with this? This is why it is said that one who prays for the general, for the assembly, or for others is answered first.

When I try to correct them, or pray for them to receive the importance of the Creator, I am actually praying for my own importance, even though I do not realize it. I see a lack of importance in them, but in the end, that lack is mine.

This mechanism is actually wonderful because it allows us to correct ourselves and acquire a new desire for the Creator. It gives us a new way to be in contact with Him without praying for ourselves, without focusing on ourselves, and without becoming even more egoistic.

Through this unique mechanism, which we need to become accustomed to, I receive an opportunity to connect with the Creator, ask for the friends, and acquire new needs. It is not an obvious approach, but it gives me the chance to develop correctly.

The principle that a person judges others according to one's own flaws is something we need to learn deeply. It is not enough simply to say, "If I see something bad in another person, then it is in me."

That is true, but why did I define it as something bad in the first place? First of all, I defined it according to the goal. It is a flaw in the ability to reach the goal. This is important.

Then I need to understand that this flaw is in me. It means that I do not have enough importance of the goal. Therefore, I need to pray, ask, demand, desire, and acquire a new need.

How can I acquire a new need? As we saw in the previous principle, I need to "buy myself a friend." I need to make the other person my friend. I need to see that the friend is equal to me and that the friend is also making efforts.

When I cannot see those efforts, or when I feel that I cannot justify the friend, I need to turn to the Creator. I need to demand from the upper force, which is showing me reality in this way, that He help the friend and help the others.

I ask that He give us the strength to be connected to Him and to become like Him. I want my friend to become like the Creator.

This principle is about how we build the correct demand by using what we see in others. We acquire these needs and make these flaws our own. We understand that what we see is our own lack of importance, and we pray for the Creator to give the friends the importance that we see as lacking in them.

In this way, we ask Him to give all of us the importance and the desire to become like Him.

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