Tens Course - Lessons #6-8. The Principles of Connection in the Ten
Tens Course - Lessons #6-8
Topic: The Principles of Connection in the Ten
1. RABASH, Purpose of Society - 1
"We have gathered here to establish a foundation for building a society for all those who wish to follow the path and method of Baal HaSulam, the way by which to climb the degrees of man and not remain as a beast, as our sages said (Yevamot, 61a) about the verse, “And you My sheep, the sheep of My pasture, are men.” And Rashbi said, “You are called ‘men’, and idol worshipers are not called ‘men.’”"
2. RABASH, Purpose of Society - 1
"We gather here to establish a society where each of us follows the spirit of bestowing upon the Creator. And to achieve bestowal upon the Creator we must begin with bestowal upon man, which is called “love of others.”
And love of others can only be through revoking of one’s self. Thus, on the one hand, each person should feel lowly, and on the other hand, be proud that the Creator has given us the chance to be in a society where each of us has but a single goal: for the Shechina to be among us."
The Principle #1:
We must constantly, artificially, elevate the importance of the meetings (the framework), understanding that only together can any goal be achieved.
3. RABASH, Purpose of Society - 2
"The society must consist of individuals who unanimously agree that they must achieve it. Then, all the individuals become one great force, where one can fight against oneself, since each one is incorporated in everyone else. Thus, each person is founded on a great desire to achieve the goal.
To be incorporated in one another, each person should annul himself before the others. This is done by each seeing the friends’ merits and not their faults. But one who thinks that he is a little higher than his friends can no longer unite with them."
4. RABASH, "The Agenda of the Assembly - 2”
"There is one point we should work on—appreciation of spirituality."
5. RABASH, "The Main Thing We Need”
"The main thing we lack, and for which we have no fuel for the work, is that we lack the importance of the goal. That is, we do not know how to appreciate our service so as to know to whom we are bestowing. Also, we lack the awareness of the greatness of the Creator, to know how happy we are that we have the privilege of serving the King, since we have nothing with which we can understand His greatness."
The Principle #2:
To work on building equality within the ten.
6. Baal HaSulam, “The Wisdom of Kabbalah and Philosophy”
"The law of love does not apply between great and small, as two real lovers must feel equal."
7. RABASH, Letter No. 42
"It is written, “And the people encamped, as one man with one heart.” This means that they all had one goal, which is to benefit the Creator. It follows…
We should understand how they could be as one man with one heart, since we know what our sages said, “As their faces are not similar to one another, their views are not similar to one another,” so how could they be as one man with one heart?
Answer: If we are saying that each one cares for himself, it is impossible to be as one man, since they are not similar to one another. However, if they all annul their selves and worry only about the benefit of the Creator, they have no individual views, since the individuals have all been canceled and have entered the single authority."
The Principle #3:
We must be careful to preserve each friend’s character, so that they do not lose their individuality.
8. Baal HaSulam "The Freedom"
"There are no two people on earth whose opinions are identical, because each person has a great and sublime possession bequeathed to him from his ancestors, and which others have no shred of them.
Therefore, all those possessions are considered the individual’s property, and society is cautioned to preserve its flavor and spirit so it does not become blurred by its environment. Rather, each individual should maintain the integrity of his inheritance. Then, the contradiction and oppositeness between them will remain forever, to forever secure the criticism and progress of the wisdom, which is all of humanity’s advantage and its true eternal desire."
The Principle #4:
Personal example is the best way to connect with the friends.
9. RABASH, Article No. 2, (1984) "Concerning Love of Friends"
"One must disclose the love in his heart towards the friends, since by revealing it he evokes his friends’ hearts toward the friends so they, too, would feel that each of them is practicing love of friends. The benefit from that is that in this manner, one gains strength to practice love of friends more forcefully, since every person’s force of love is integrated in each other’s".
Video Clip >> How Do I Know I’m Being a Good Personal Example?
Text:
Question: How do I know if I’m being a good personal example for the friends and not a bad one? And is it correct to present yourself outwardly as someone great in the eyes of the friend?
Rav Michael Laitman: Don’t present yourself as someone great, but as someone drawn to the goal, someone who desires the revelation and invests in it. You show that you are on the same level as him, but you need to demonstrate how important it is for you to advance—more than anything else is important to you.
Don’t be afraid of the “bad eye”; do this intentionally for their sake.
Sometimes, in our lives, people think, “We need to hide ourselves,” but that’s not correct.
Question: What are the signs that a person is progressing correctly in love of friends?
Rav Michael Laitman: That he shows everyone how precise he is in arriving on time, being prepared, being focused in intention, asking and answering questions, taking notes and organizing the material, the way he is present in the lesson, and how he participates in various duties.
How he expresses himself, how he awakens others—
All of this is only in order to build a burning desire within the group,
from which everyone can ignite themselves and thus reach the realization of the goal.
The Principle #5:
“Buy Yourself a Friend” – each member of the group must strive to buy the friends.
10. Rabash. Article 30 (1988) "What to Look For in the Assembly of Friends"
"Regarding “Buy yourself a friend,” we should interpret that “Buy” means that he must be paid, and through the payment he buys him. What does he pay him? We can say that payment is received in return for exertion. In other words, sometimes a person wishes to buy, for example, a nice closet, which is worth 2,000 dollars. He tells the seller, “Since I have no money to pay, but I heard that you are looking for an employee for two weeks, I will work for the amount that I have to pay you in return for the money for the closet,” and the seller will probably agree. Thus, we see that the payment can be by exchange.
It is the same with love of friends. It is a great effort when one should judge the friends to the side of merit, and not everyone is ready for it.
Sometimes, it is even worse. At times, a person sees that his friend is disrespectful toward him. Even worse, he heard a slanderous rumor, meaning he heard from a friend that that friend, who is called so and so, said about him things that are not nice for friends to say about each other. Now he must subdue himself and judge him to the side of merit. This, indeed, is a great effort. It follows that through the exertion, he gives the payment, which is even more important than a payment of money.
However, if that person slanders him, where will his friend muster the strength to love him? He knows for certain that he hates him, or he would not slander him, so what is the point in subduing himself and judging him to the side of merit?
The answer is that love of friends that is built on the basis of love of others, by which they can achieve the love of the Creator, is the opposite of what is normally considered love of friends. In other words, love of others does not mean that the friends will love me. Rather, it is I who must love the friends. For this reason, it makes no difference if the friend slanders him and must certainly hate him. Instead, a person who wishes to acquire love of friends because of love of others, that person needs the correction of loving the other.
Therefore, when a person makes the effort and judges him to the side of merit, it is a Segula [remedy/power/virtue], where by the toil that a person makes, which is called “an awakening from below,” he is given strength from above to be able to love all the friends without exception.
This is called “Buy yourself a friend,” that a person should make an effort to obtain love of others. And this is called “labor,” since he must exert above reason".
11. RABASH, “Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend - 1”
"It turns out that true friendship—when each makes the necessary payment to buy his friend—is precisely when both are of equal status, and then both pay equally. It is like a corporeal business, where both of them give everything equally, otherwise there cannot be a true partnership. Hence, “Buy yourself a friend,” since there can be bonding—when each buys his friend—only when they are equal."
The Principle #6:
Each person judges others according to the measure of their own flaws ("Whoever faults others does so with his own defect").
12. RABASH, “Why Is the Torah Called “Middle Line” in the Work?-2”
"One must believe, that “There is none else besides Him,” meaning that it is the Creator who compels him to do the good deeds, but since he is still unworthy of knowing that it is the Creator who compels him, the Creator dresses Himself in dresses of flesh and blood, through which the Creator performs these actions. Thus, the Creator acts in the form of posterior.
In other words, the person sees people’s faces but he should believe that behind the faces stands the Creator and performs these actions. That is, behind the man stands the Creator and compels him to do the deeds that the Creator wants. It follows that the Creator does everything, but the person regards what he sees and not what he should believe."
13. Baal HaSulam, Shamati 67, “Depart from Evil”
"One who thinks that he is deceiving his friend is really deceiving the Creator, since besides man’s body there is only the Creator. This is because it is the essence of creation that man is called “created being” only with respect to himself. The Creator wants man to feel that he exists separately from Him; but other than this, it is all “The whole earth is full of His glory.”
Hence, when lying to one’s friend, one is lying to the Creator; and when one makes one’s friend sad, one makes the Creator sad."
14. RABASH, “Why Is the Torah Called “Middle Line” in the Work?-2”
"We should interpret this as the Ari writes (Talmud Eser Sefirot, Part 13, Item 152), “There is the matter of Se’arot [fibers], which cover the light, so they do not enjoy the light as long as they are unworthy, since they might blemish.” The thing is that we must believe that the Creator gave us a desire and yearning to do good deeds. And as long as one is unworthy, he must not feel that the Creator compels him to do good deeds. This is why the Creator hides Himself in clothing, and this clothing is called Lo Lishma [not for Her sake]. In other words, sometimes the Creator hides Himself in the clothing of friends."
The Principle #7
Do not express criticism of a friend publicly — neither in a general forum nor in a direct/personal manner.
15. Baal HaSulam, Shamati 62. Descends and Incites, Ascends and Complains
״Yet, one who works in purity, cannot complain about others and always complains about himself, and sees others in a better degree than he feels himself.״
16. RABASH, Article No. 8 (1984), “Which Keeping of Torah and Mitzvot Purifies the Heart?”
"There are many times when a person rebukes another only for the purpose of domination, and not in order to “rebuke your friend.”
Rav Michael Laitman, Daily Lesson, 13.07.2022
“There is nothing worse than each person trying to impose on another what they think is right. This must not be done. Only love and a tendency toward connection should be shown—Heaven forbid, anything beyond that.
None of you yet understands where you are; you are still completely outside the truth.
It’s better that you study the lessons together, delve into the verses—not to argue, but only to understand what is written.
If someone has a desire to convince another, that is the worst possible form of the evil inclination.
Let your friend grow at their own pace, in their own way, and don’t interfere—only awaken them to more study, to more participation. That alone.”
The Principle #8
As a general rule, it is best to define the boundaries of conversation in advance—that is, to avoid raising topics that we already know may lead to conflict.
17. RABASH, Article 1, part 2 "Purpose of Society - 2"
"Hence, it is good that there will be equality among the friends who unite, so one can be annulled before the other. And there should be careful watch in the society, disallowing frivolity, since frivolity ruins everything."
Question: What is “frivolity” in inner work?
Rav Michael Laitman: Frivolity is a very broad concept — starting from completely abandoning the work and becoming idle, to replacing a more beneficial activity with one that is less beneficial but more pleasant, comfortable, and easy.
Frivolity can manifest in engaging with things that are entirely contrary to the path, down to small foolish matters, or even simply allowing oneself a bit of “freedom” in thought, in clarifications, and in desires.
Where does the term frivolity [literally from Hebrew word "kalut rosh" - "light-headedness"] come from? — A “heavy head” means a person constantly judges himself, examines things, and is full of thoughts. And “lightness” means he turns his head away from the proper occupation, and then all kinds of foreign and unimportant thoughts fill it.
It may even be that there’s nothing explicitly against the Creator in this, but simply that the person allows his mind to be filled with thoughts of this corporeal world.
(From a lesson on a Rabash article, 12.02.2012)
18. RABASH, Article 30, “What to Demand from the Gathering of Friends,” 1988
"What should a friend do if he needs help from the friends?
As we’ve said, one must not speak of sad or negative things during the friends’ gathering that may lead to sorrow.
The answer is that the person should speak to a friend who is closer to his heart. And that friend should speak to the group — but not during the regular friends’ gathering.
Meaning, he can talk to the whole group together, but not during the scheduled friends’ meeting. Instead, a special gathering can be arranged for the sake of helping the friend who is in need."
The Principle #9
We all strive to strengthen the spirit of the group
19. RABASH, Article No. 4, 1984, "Each One Shall Help His Friend"
"We must understand how one can help his friend. Is this matter specifically when there are rich and poor, wise and fools, weak and strong? But when all are rich, smart, or strong, etc., how can one help another?
We see that there is one thing that is common to all—the mood. It is said, “A concern in one’s heart, let him speak of it with others.” This is because with regard to feeling high-spirited, neither wealth nor erudition can be of assistance.
Rather, it is one person who can help another by seeing that one’s friend is low. It is written, “One does not deliver oneself from imprisonment.” Rather, it is one’s friend who can lift his spirit.
This means that one’s friend raises him from his state into a state of liveliness. Then, one begins to reacquire strength and confidence of life and wealth, and he begins as though his goal is now near him.
It turns out that each and every one must be attentive and think how he can help his friend raise his spirit, because in the matter of spirits, anyone can find a needy place in one’s friend that he can fill."
20. Rabash. Article 30 (1988) What to Look For in the Assembly of Friends
"Each one should try to bring into the society a spirit of life and hopefulness, and infuse energy into the society. Thus, each of the friends will be able to tell himself, “Now I am starting a clean slate in the work.” In other words, before he came to the society, he was disappointed with the progress in the work of the Creator, but now the society has filled him with life and hopefulness. Thus, through society he obtained the confidence and strength to overcome because now he feels that he can achieve wholeness. And all his thoughts—that he was facing a high mountain that could not be conquered, and that these were truly formidable obstructions—now he feels that they are nothing. And he received it all from the power of the society because each and every one tried to instill a spirit of encouragement and the presence of a new atmosphere in the society."
The Principle #10
We must develop a sense of mutual responsibility (Arvut) toward the group.
21. Baal HaSulam, “The Arvut [Mutual Guarantee],” Item 18
"The Tana described the Arvut as two people who were on a boat, and one of them began to drill a hole in the boat. His friend said, “Why are you drilling?” He replied, “Why should you mind? I am drilling under me, not under you.” So he replied, “Fool! We will both drown together in the boat!”"
22. Baal HaSulam, “Matan Torah [The Giving of the Torah],” Item 16
"If six hundred thousand men abandon their work for the satisfaction of their own needs and worry about nothing but standing guard so their friends will not lack a thing, and moreover, they will engage in this with great love, with their very heart and soul, in the full meaning of the Mitzva, “Love your friend as yourself,” it is then beyond doubt that no one in the nation will need to worry about his own well-being.
Because of this, one becomes completely free of securing his own survival and can easily observe the Mitzva, “Love your friend as yourself”."