How To Buy A Friend

Welcome to all our dear friends from around the world who are joining us for this special lesson. Right now we have an opportunity to think about our day, whether we made enough efforts to connect to the spiritual goal. And now we have another opportunity. Another hour and a half to add some more effort along with all our friends who have connected from around the world. We all come with different concerns and problems - we put all that aside and go into Rabash's article - Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend. Even the title already lifts us up. And let's use this time to attract the upper light to our friends in the ten - perhaps those that can't connect to this lesson. And together we'll all think about all our friends.

This is our third lesson on this article. In all his explanations Rav says first of all I need to define the final goal - to reach equivalence of form with the Creator and please Him. That's the goal so now we can go back to see how to do that. The way to do that is by acquiring the attribute of bestowal, which isn't important to us. How can we make it important in our eyes? Rabash is saying buy a friend. Why can't we simply buy the Creator? We can't. We can only advance to Him by working on our connection with the friends, and make it similar to how the Creator relates to us. We can't buy Him, but by building our society and making the attribute of bestowal great, and creating this collective deficiency for attracting the upper light - in this way we're accelerating everything.

So now we're going to talk about these efforts we make to buy a friend.

Rabash gives us great advice about how to relate to the friends - either accept his attributes above reason, or compromise in some way to buy him. Maybe compromise on me getting attention to invest in him. We need to judge the friend on the scale of merit without any complaints. And if possible even treat them like the Creator - because this is the force controlling them so you should really have no complaints. This is the correct attitude to have toward the friends.

Let's hear Rav's explanation of how to buy a friend -

Clip: How do you buy friends?

Question: We are asked by the Afula group, how do you buy friends, by increasing the number of friends, is that the way?

First of all, I arrive at a group that I don't choose. I arrive at a situation where I already find a few people there who are involved in Kabbalah, who are studying, who have some kind of a certain order. This order may change, it doesn't matter. But there is already something, the Creator arranged it for me. That's how it was for us, and that's how it is found either from Rabbi Shimon or even before him, or from the Rabbi we learn that he had a group, or from Baal Hashem Tov he arranged the group and so on and so forth, Baal HaSulam, Rabash. We also have a group.

A person who comes, he comes, they don't ask him where he comes from and what he is and why, he lands in the group. Later, only later, after he is already in it, then the time comes when he slowly begins to understand that there is some kind of inner work here. It doesn't come immediately, he initially doesn't even know where he is and for what and why, what's happening here, and then only, after many months, does he begin to understand that here in the group there is a special action on which all his success in spirituality depends. This action is called "choice." That he has to choose, he himself, what does "choice" mean, specifically a choice to "buy yourself a friend."

Choice is in buying. That I now need to invest myself in my friends in order to unite with them, connect with them together, to be one, and in this we resemble ourselves to the Creator. And the more we try to resemble the Creator, the Upper Light will influence us and connect us. Not that we connect, we just have to make an effort, but the Upper Light will influence us back.

Therefore, again, a person arrives at the group, he doesn't know where he is. After many weeks and maybe months of study, of distribution, of his arrival, just like that he begins to hear that a group is a connection. And deciding that he is going to connect, is actually his choice. The only one in life. We are told that all the rest of our actions in life, what we do, is all planned. We don't know it, it's hidden from us. But if you go to some grandmother who tells the future, she can tell you, I mean seriously, can tell you everything that will happen to you, except for this one thing. Except for one thing, about the efforts you will make or not make, towards connecting with the friends.

No one interferes with this, and even prophets, we see how they wrote, they wrote that they prophesied the days of the Messiah, wrote everything in one line, the line of nature, without our choice, without the addition of our desire to progress. For you, their prophecies are so... not so pleasant, difficult. Michael Laitman

From the sources -

Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend

This is why it is said, “Make for yourself a rav and buy yourself a friend”; both have to exist. In other words, each should regard the other as a friend, and then there is room for buying. This means that each must pay with concessions to the other, like a father concedes his rest, works for his son, spends money for his son, and all is because of the love.

However, there it is natural love. The Creator gave natural love for raising children so there would be persistence to the world. If, for instance, the father would raise the children because it is a Mitzva [commandment], his children would have food, clothing, and other things that are necessary for children to the extent that a person is committed to keep all the Mitzvot [plural of Mitzva]. At times he would keep the Mitzvot, and at times he would only do the very minimum, and his children could starve to death.

This is why the Creator gave parents natural love for their children, so there would be persistence to the world. This is not so with love of friends. Here everyone must make great efforts by himself to create the love of friends in his heart.

It is the same with “And buy yourself a friend.” Once he understands, at least intellectually, that he needs help and he cannot do the holy work, to the extent that he understands it in his mind, he begins to buy, to make concessions for his friend’s sake.

This is so because he understands that the work is primarily in bestowing upon the Creator. However, it is against his nature because man is born with a desire to receive only for his own benefit. Hence, we were given the cure by which to go from self-love to love of others, and by that he can arrive at the love of the Creator.

Therefore, he can find a friend at his level. But afterwards, making the friend a rav, meaning for him to feel that his friend is at a higher degree is something that one cannot see, that his friend is like a rav and he is like a student. But if he does not regard his friend as a rav, how will he learn from him? This is called “Make,” meaning a mindless action. In other words, he must accept, above reason, that his friend is greater and this is called “Make,” meaning acting above reason.