Buying the Friends: Why Every Person Holds Something You Need

Today we're going to continue talking about the principles to create a group culture where we all support one another. We're a very diverse group of people from different backgrounds - but we've gathered here together to create something at a new degree. And it's precisely our uniqueness that adds the missing value. You're all welcome to open your hearts during this lesson to think about what we can add to the lesson, to the group - so we can all advance together.

As Baal HaSulam says - "Turn away from all the imaginary engagements and set your hearts on thinking thoughts and devising proper tactics to truly connect your hearts as one."

We're very happy to be here with you - we're not necessarily talking about how to implement the principles of creating a society. First we want to understand these principles, and how to apply them in the ten. These are not ideas we woke up with - how to create a group for the revelation of the Creator. We may be very high level executives, or very intelligent. But here we're talking about something else entirely - it's a very thin line. And if you cross it you've fallen off the track.

Just to remind you the first principle is about raising the importance of the goal and the group. We're here in a group of Kabbalists and we want people to always feel uplifted about the goal.

The second principle was about building equality in the ten - it's a law. In order to build a vessel we need to reach equality. I always perceive myself as better and more talented than others. We always express this by sitting in a circle so we can see each other's faces.

The third principle is about maintaining the uniqueness of each friend. Each is bringing their unique yearning to the goal - each is contributing this to our common vessel.

The fourth principle is personal example. Anything we demand of the friends we need to first and foremost demand of ourselves.

The fifth principle is very ancient, deep and significant - it's called "Buy yourself a friend". Let's try to understand this concept.

And regarding “Buy yourself a friend,” we should interpret that “Buy” means that he must be paid, and through the payment he buys him. What does he pay him? We can say that payment is received in return for exertion. In other words, sometimes a person wishes to buy, for example, a nice closet, which is worth 2,000 dollars. He tells the seller, “Since I have no money to pay, but I heard that you are looking for an employee for two weeks, I will work for the amount that I have to pay you in return for the money for the closet,” and the seller will probably agree. Thus, we see that the payment can be by exchange.

It is the same with love of friends. It is a great effort when one should judge the friends to the side of merit, and not everyone is ready for it. What to Look for in the Assembly of Friends - Article 30, 1988

We need to remember that all these principles are only about our ten - our research group. It's not for our colleagues at work or family members. Later on we'll spread it to the world but for now we're in our small group.

To buy a friend I need to buy his/her desires - it's all about raising the importance of something. A doctor can say you need to eat healthy food but I totally lack motivation - I need to surround myself with people who will help.

So I need to invest in my friend - either in thoughts, words, or in acts, by giving them a present for example. And it's all tied to the importance of the goal. I need to find the force in myself to do this.

Our entire lives we want people to respect and appreciate us - to be accepted and valued in society. It's perfectly natural. Rabash is saying something revolutionary here - you don't need them to love you - you need to love them. They are a field of work for you. It's about learning to love a group of people you're not connected to naturally. You may have the same language or grew up in the same country. You don't have the same culture or mentality - not the same profession, education level or socio-economic level.

The only thing you have in common is that one fine day the Creator came and awakened your point in the heart. And now we're all gathered together, and we need to buy the friends - why? Because each holds a very valuable diamond. Each of them has a point of yearning for spirituality. I need that point to accelerate my advancement. I need to buy their desire, their yearning for spirituality - they fill in the gaps you're missing. Suddenly, these people become very valuable to me.

What I get from the friend is their spiritual baggage - there is no other thing like this in our world. But in order to get it - I need to pay. This isn't about money - it's about making an effort to love a person you have no connection with. Sometimes it's very difficult. Maybe I need to compromise on certain things, and it's not so convenient for me. I need to start making calculations - the spiritual path is important to me? Yes. These people are the key to my advancement? Yes. So we know what we need to do - we need to buy the friends. Meaning we need to invest in them, just like we invest in the people we love.